


It can always be LOVE

by kuro_shinji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, dead yamaguchi, sad tsukishima, sick yamaguchi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 19:26:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2784899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro_shinji/pseuds/kuro_shinji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima Kei, age 20, on his way to his hometown for a funeral.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It can always be LOVE

love has a lifespan of three years

or so science said. and so I believes. after that, love shifted to responsibilities.

love won't last forever. because you too,won't live that long.

86 400. that is the number of seconds per day.

will you say 'i love you' to someone to that amount?

you won't. the numbers won't even get past a hundred or two.

love won't always stay sunshine and rainbows.

soon, you will only see the mud and everything in between.

dirty, pisses you off, annoying. ANNOYING

love won't always makes you grateful for still breathing.

after that exact span of time, it will make you want to stop breathing. stop listening. stop seeing.

and if it was unrequited, double the pain. you want to stop knowing. about anything and absolutely everything.

even so, love won't go away. it won't stop existing. it won't dissappear.

because it was there. you were there. you felt it there,your heart.

you won't rip out your heart just because you don't want to love. love wont disappear just because you don't feel it anymore.

just because you are in love, doesn't mean you are happy.

just because you are in love, doesn't mean you can't hurt people.

just because you are in love, doesn't mean you can be you.

_**just because it is love, doesn't mean it can always be love.** _

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Looking at the phone screen, noticing it haven't even passed five minutes since he last checked his phone. Sighing, he keep his phone back in his sweater's pocket.

Tsukishima Kei, age 20, sad, and on the way back to his hometown for a funeral. He doesn't look okay,he doesn't feel okay.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Tsukki,are you going to Tokyo after we graduated from high school?"

 

"Yeah. You?"

 

He should've known the brief silence and that smile must have meant something back then. But he didn't. He was a fool. A fool that believes everything will stay the way it is forever. A fool that thought nothing could go wrong. A fool that didn't notice even the slightest change in his best friend behavior. What a best friend he is. Yeah right, best friend who keep marching on his own drum beat, only thinking of what he want to do in the future.

 

_**A fool that believed Yamaguchi will always be by his side forever.** _

 

The best friend that fail to notice how his friend keep getting paler day by day. The best friend that nonchalantly joking Yamaguchi is going to be Tanaka #2 when the said boy keep getting hair loss. The best friend who thought Yamaguchi is not good with the hot weather when the latter had a nosebleed. The best friend who told Yamaguchi to eat more and offered his soggy french fries when the latter keep losing weight.

 

And the best friend who yelled and got mad at Yamaguchi for deciding to not go to college with him in Tokyo. The same person who won't contact Yamaguchi for months after he goes to Tokyo. The very person who didn't wish for Yamaguchi's birthday when the latter turned 19.

 

* * *

 

 

_"Sorry, Tsukki. Happy birthday. I love you."_

 

What a fool he was for not replying to that text message. What an asshole he was for not calling Yamaguchi right away. What a man he was for not telling Yamaguchi he love him. 

 

* * *

 

 

He get off the bus right in front of the road leading to his old high school. The same road he and Yamaguchi walked everyday, stopping at the Foothill Store to buy pork bun that Yamaguchi loves. Sometimes they were joined by Kageyama and Hinata, sometimes the whole team were there. Most of the time though,it was only two of them. But there were times when he walked through that street alone. Yamaguchi was practicing with Shimada-san. He felt left behind, but of course he won't say it. He never did. 

 

But he sure was proud when Yamaguchi's efforts paid off in the match against AobaJousai. He would cry if he could but he didn't. He was too proud to do so.

And that made him wanted to make the other boy proud of him too. Though he never said it.

 

_"I knew you can do it,Tsukki! You are great after all!"_

 

* * *

 

 

The walk to Yamaguchi's house was short. And heavy. He wanted to cry but for some reason, he couldn't. And he arrived, people who recognized him gave him this pity look. The look that other people gave the Karasuno Volleyball team when they first lost against AobaJousai. 

 

He don't understand. Why would they give him that look? He is still alive. Why won't they give that pity to Yamaguchi instead? Because that boy is gone.

_That boy is...gone_

 

* * *

 

 

Yamaguchi is dead. His best friend is dead. His target of affection is dead. Yamaguchi is no longer alive. He is dead.

 

Why is he dead?

 

_"Tsukki, I can't go with you."_

 

* * *

 

 

He didn't even said a word when he saw the faces he know. Daichi-san, Sugawara-san, forget it. The whole team was there. Even the first and second year that entered the team when the third years graduated. Their juniors all loves Yamaguchi. One of them even warned him that he will take Yamaguchi away from him.

And Hinata was there too, beside Kageyama. Hinata was weeping and Kageyama, he sure the latter cried. His eyes were red.

 

Yamaguchi's parents just hugged him and cried. 

 

They hugged him and cried, telling him Yamaguchi is gone.

 

_**Tadashi is no longer here.** _

 

* * *

 

The funeral went off without a problem. After everything was settled, he asked Yamaguchi's parents if he can go to Yamaguchi's room. They permitted and told him there was something for him on top of Yamaguchi's study desk. Yamaguchi left something for him.

 

_I think when you read this, I would no longer breathing. Well, I actually told my parents to give you this only after I'm gone so it's no suprise._

_Tsukki, I am so sorry. I am sorry for breaking our promises to go to Tokyo together. I am sorry for not telling you about my health._

_I am sorry for not being able to be with you forever. I love you, Tsukki. I always have and will always do._

_I really hope you won't hate me for doing this. I don't want to be hated by you. But I don't want to see you sad either._

_And the worst of it all, I just can't shake this feeling of you don't care about me. I honestly am afraid that you don't._

_But doing that earned me your silence. You didn't even reply to my text messages. You won't pick up my calls._

_And that is better than you don't care. Because I know you do. I know you remember my birthday. I know you read my messages._

_I know you listened to my voicemail. I guess that is the benefits of knowing someone for years. I always know you are not as you appear to be._

_Knowing that I'm about to die gave me a little bit confidence to say anything. It's funny, if you think about it._

_Tsukki, I love you. Even when the only thing you said to me the whole day was "Shut up,Yamaguchi". I love your smirk, I love your hands._

_I love it when you made a pun, even if it was lame as hell. I love it when your eyes sparkled when you saw the dinosaurs bones at the museum._

_I love your everything._

_I want you to live happily. I want you to be able to smile genuinely. I want you to be happy, Tsukki. So please,be happy. I am sorry for being selfish._

_I love you. Sorry, Tsukki._

 

* * *

 

 

He spent the whole night crying his heart out while holding to the letter and Yamaguchi's shirt. It still smells like him. The next morning, he asked if he could take a few of the boy's belonging with him. Yamaguchi's parents just nodded weakly. He went to his home, hands carrying two boxes of Yamaguchi's stuffs. His parents didn't say anything and just looking at him with a sad face. They ate in silence. He threw up after that.

 

Akiteru went to his room and hugged him. Patting his head, saying it's okay to cry.

 

**_"Why must it be him?"_ **

 

* * *

 

 

He went back to Tokyo a week after that. He know he is still not okay. He lost weight, he look like shit. His brain is no longer working. He didn't studied, he didn't do his assignments. 

 

_"I want you to live happily. I want you to smile genuinely. I want you to be happy, Tsukki."_

 

If there are times when he should listens to that boy's request, it should have been when the boy was still alive. What is the point of doing so right now?

What is the point of doing it when he know the boy is no longer here with him?

 

How could he be happy if Yamaguchi is not here?

 

_"Sorry, Tsukki"_

 

No, he is the one who's sorry.

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn't until almost a year after that that someone helped him, Akiteru to be precise. At first it was hard to talk about it. How could you talk about Yamaguchi without saying he was beautiful, he was an angel and not crying like a baby afterwards? But he did it anyway, and like Akiteru said, it does makes him feel better.

His therapy,as people call it goes for almost 2 years. He changed little by little during that time. He smiles more, smirking less. He is not cold anymore, and was seen without a frown most of the time. He could talk to people without pissing them off and kids clearly loves him.

 

It seems almost perfect, if not for the fact that he can't be left alone. Especially at night. 

 

Akiteru found him almost drowned in the bath tub countless times and since then, always makes sure he wasn't alone. It got to the point where even his old teammates stayed with him. He know this is not going to last forever. He know he have to get better. But he couldn't. Especially when all he think when he is alone was how perfect it would be if he can be with Yamaguchi. 

 

"It's okay, Tsukishima. We are your friends, we will help in anyway we can."

 

Tanaka-san, always the first one to lend a help when needed. The others smiled and said the same thing. 

 

Joining the Karasuno Volleyball team was the right choice. If not for it, he would be alone now. Utterly alone. 

 

He think he is fine now. Tsukishima Kei is fine now.

 

* * *

 

 

"Yo, Tsukishima. We ran out of toilet paper. Could you buy some on your way home?"

 

"Tanaka-san, we just bought a bunch of them last week. Why are we buying them again? I told you to not do the mummy costumes for Halloween, did I?"

 

"That is.. Just buy the toilet paper, Tsukishima."

 

"Fine. Is there anything else?"

 

 **Screeeeeech** _**BANG !!!**_

_**CRASH** _

 

"Tsukishima? Hey Tsukishima!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

Tsukishima Kei, 24, happy to finally be with Yamaguchi again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how i wrote this at 3 in the morning. And I am sorry for writing this. And I don't know how to write sound effects, forgive me. Kudos and comments are always appreciated! ^^ You can find me on tumblr : kuroshinjithings


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